Two years ago, today..

We were trying to solve a crime scene. We texted each other all day, which was nothing new, but we were trying to find out who stole my boyfriends Canam! While I was at work, you were looking through every Facebook post and getting information to me. We were gonna find something out, no matter what. It was us against the world. 

Later that evening while the cops were at our house, getting our statement, we received a phone call. A brother was in need. 

Two years ago, today…

My world fell apart. 

We were told you were found, lifeless. 

My boyfriend ran into our house, white faced and bewildered, and relayed the news. 

“Josey… Josey is dead.“

I had no clue what he was talking about. He was outraged. I was just texting you just hours before. He had lost his fucking mind. Who the hell tells someone that? What kind of sick joke was he playing? This wasn’t funny. 

He told me to get up, his brother needed him.

I cried, the whole way there. I cried harder when I seen the flashing lights. I cried harder when our best friend hugged me. 

Two years ago, today…

I didn’t get a goodbye, a hug, an “I love you, turd.”

Two years ago, today…

I cried. 

I broke. 

I died right along with you. 

My heart split in half. I had an ache in my chest that wouldn’t go away. 

Two years ago, today…

I called my mama and tried to tell her my best friend was gone. 

I called our friends and told them to sit down, like that would help? And I told them the awful news, the unexpected, the hell that God had just put in our world. 

Two years ago, today…

I hugged people, tight. 

I cried until I had no tears left to cry. 

I remembered all of our times together. From little league All Stars, to seeing you at prom, ag class, senseless fights, and so much more. When you first came around after high school was over, we became so close. You were my shoulder, my right hand, my best friend. 

I remembered the stupid stuff that we did to the boys, the stupid selfies, the nights we drank way too much, the backroads, etc. 

I remembered everything. 

And now, two years later, that night is what I remember the most. 

No matter how sober I am, how drunk I am, the pain is not forgotten. People say things will get better and I call bullshit. 

Sadly, life goes on. People put you on the back burner, only to mention you on Facebook memories, or whatever. But I see you in my head everyday, I talk to you everyday. I’ve learned to build a wall around my thoughts. Because I know – I know you’re walking the streets of Heaven and you’d beat my ass for crying. 

You were full of life. You were too young. You had so much, so damn much, going for you. I looked up to you and you probably never knew it. 

Two years ago, today…

I lost my best friend, with no goodbye, no hug, no nothing. 

I lost my best friend, because of something so stupid and so selfish. 

I lost my best friend and my heart broke in two. 

Josey, I love you. 

Josey, you’re never forgotten – you’re in my heart, living. 

Josey, thank you… for your friendship, your kind words, your encouragement, everything. 

Josey, I love you, turd.